(Read the previous communication here.)
<RPGSolo Oracle: Is Cupid okay? (50/50): Yes>
SANTA: Aire Traffic Control. This is JOLLY-ONE. Come in Aire Traffic Control.
ATC: Go ahead, JOLLY-ONE. This is Aire Traffic Control.
SANTA: Is there any news on Cupid?
ATC: Good news, in fact. The SEALs were able to recover him. It seems the spunky reindeer was able to drive off Dracula and still have enough flight to land softly in a snow drift. The SEALs followed his collar tracker right to him. Turns out, the most damage was done to the fatty portions of his rump. No vital organs were damaged. He should be all healed by next Christmas.
SANTA: That’s good, but he was bitten by a werewolf. Doesn’t that mean . . . ?
ATC: Apparently, a werewolf’s bite is not as toxic as a vampire bite. It doesn’t require you die and is intermittent, triggered only by full moonlight. Because it’s not as severe, the elves over in R&D believe the condition can be reversed. They’ve been working on a werewolf antivenom. Cupid is their first trial and, so far, he seems to be responding well. We won’t know for sure until the next full moon, but they’re expecting Cupid will be fine. But if not, as long as Christmas doesn’t fall on a full moon, he should still be good to go.
SANTA: That’s great news! We’ve been through a lot over the years. If this sleigh could speak, it would sure have some stories to tell. Dents from the Great Hailstorm of ‘92. The patched holes in the baseboards from several hard landings. The charred wood behind the seat from the Superstitious Villager Attack of ‘75. That’s 1775. But I can’t remember a worse year than this. Dracula is really ramping up his game.
ATC: And it appears the night’s not over yet. I have a trio of fast moving objects coming in from 2 o’clock.
SANTA: Trio? That can’t be Dracula.
ATC: No, it’s not. It appears that you’re close to NORAD, and their radars have picked you up.
SANTA: Oh, that’s okay. They host the Santa Tracker every year. I’ll be fine.
ATC: You don’t seem you understand. The Santa Tracker is all fun and games for the children. It’s not real. They don’t know what your sleigh is, so they sent a group of fighter jets to check you out.
SANTA: Fighter jets? (A burst of gunfire is heard) Great Gumdrops! Why are they firing at me?
ATC: I don’t know, but I wouldn’t wait around to find out! Get to safety as I try to block their radar.
SANTA: Don’t need to tell me twice. We’re going to land until the threat has passed . . .
(Some time later . . . )
SANTA: Getting stuck in the bushes after nearly being shot down in Colorado really put us behind schedule, but I think we’ve recovered well.
ATC: How many deliveries do you have left?
SANTA: I’m nearly done with Hawaii and am approaching the last house. This is it! We’re almost done. I just landed and as soon as I deliver this last present . . . Hey! What’s going on? Someone just through a net over me.
RUFFIAN 1: You can’t get away, so just give us everything you have and we’ll let you go.
SANTA: I’m not giving in to you common thieves. Do you want to be put on the “Naughty List?”
RUFFIAN 2: Quiet, Old Man. We’re not interested in your whole Santa shtick. Just give what’s in the bag. Fast!
SANTA: Wait’ll I get out of this net. I’m not as nice as St. Patrick, you know.
RUFFIAN 1: Good luck with that.
RUFFIAN 2: Hey, you made a pun.
RUFFIAN 1: Huh? Never mind that. That net is too strong for you to break out . . . Hey! Who are you?
VOICE: Get out of here, creeps! You’re not welcome here. (Sounds of a hard object hitting flesh.)
RUFFIAN 1: Hey man! Cut that out!
RUFFIAN 2: Let’s get out of here! (The sounds of running footsteps.)
ATC: Santa. What’s going on! Are you okay? Should I send help.
SANTA: No need, Peppermint. All is fine. I was attacked by a gang of street thieves, but this helpful man in a business suit came by and fought them with his briefcase. They ran away and I’m fine.
BUSINESSMAN: Here. Let me help you out of that. Did they hurt you?
SANTA: Thanks. I’m okay.
BUSINESSMAN: What’s with the getup? Halloween was two months ago, and I didn’t know they had Christmas costume parties.
SANTA: Ho! Ho! Ho! No party, Benjamin. I’m the real Santa.
BUSINESSMAN: Hey! How did you know my name was Benjamin? Never mind. I’m too tired to think about it. I’ve been working all night trying to finish plans for a new housing project on the east end of the island. It was supposed to be done by Christmas, but that’s not going to happen. Haven’t seen much of my family this week and I promised I’d be home on Christmas morning. Unfortunately, that might not be enough for my son, Timmy.
SANTA: Why’s that?
BUSINESSMAN: He’s really had his eye on this MegaSpeed electric scooter for weeks. The fancy kind with the lighted wheels and solar charging. Unfortunately, money’s tight and that’s an expensive scooter. I just couldn’t swing it this year.
SANTA: I think I can help you with that. Here. Do me a favor and place this under your tree.
BUSINESSMAN: Huh? What’s this box?
SANTA: It’s the scooter Timmy asked me to bring him.
BUSINESSMAN: Asked you?
SANTA: I told you, I’m Santa! And your house is my last stop of the evening.
BUSINESSMAN: Really? This isn’t a joke?
SANTA: It isn’t a joke.
BUSINESSMAN: (Overly excited) Gee! Thanks, Santa . . . or whoever you are. You’ve made Timmy’s Christmas! He’s going to flip when he sees this. (The voice trails off in the distance before hearing him call back “Merry Christmas.”)
ATC: Wow! He seemed happy. So I guess it’s been another successful Christmas.
SANTA: Indeed it has. I’ve just taken off and we’re on route to the North Pole . . . Wait. What’s that?
ATC: What is it?
SANTA: Someone dressed as me. One of those street corner charity Santas.
ATC: Isn’t he out a bit late?
SANTA: Yes, but that’s not important. What is, is that Dracula is creeping up behind him. Either Blood Sucker thinks it’s me, or he doesn’t care. He just wants to kill a Santa. Peppermint, I think this is my chance to take care of that old bat once and for all.
ATC: What are you going to do?
SANTA: You know my hood ornament, the one that looks like a Christmas Tree?
ATC: Of course. I’ve heard you never leave home without it.
SANTA: It’s actually another Sparky Special. He calls it a Kris-Mas Tree. Like the dagger. I’ll just take it off the hood, pull back the branches, and voilà, a two-foot long, vampire killing spike. I’m going in, Peppermint. Warm up the cider. I’ll be home as soon as I exterminate this bat!
===============
Roll Results: 6 cards
Two Clubs: You are spotted by an online Santa Tracker.
Five Clubs: The sleigh gets stuck in vegetation and you need to cut yourself free.
Draw from the tower (Eliminated 1; 7 Remain)
Seven Diamonds: A band of thieves catch you in their net.
Draw from the tower (Eliminated 3; 4 Remain)
Five Spades: Dracula attacks a Santa Claus impersonator.
Draw from the tower (Eliminated 1; 3 Remain)
Three clubs: What damage or distress has the sleigh taken over the years?
Ten Diamonds: You meet a tired parent in a business suit and lift his spirits.
Eat one sweet (Last Sweet, we win!)
(Read the Epilogue here.)
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