Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Yesterday's Heroes

Trust me, I did not intend for this to be a reality television blog. My plan was to write about the odd and unusual things I see and think. While I have written about those things, I have many more reality TV posts than I would have expected. This is another one.
 
My girlfriend Hopie would say that one of my heroes has fallen. I would tend to agree with her. This week Brad Womack was announced as the next bachelor to appear on ABC's The Bachelor. In my opinion, despite what the contestants might say, appearing on The Bachelor is one of the worst ways to find everlasting love. You are thrown together with a mob of potential life partners for a period of only a few weeks and attempt to get to know them by going on amazing dates that you could never afford, all the while having a camera in your face twenty-four hours a day. At the end of this experience you are expected to choose someone to spend the rest of your life with. The show's track record has pretty much proven that this system is a failure, with nearly none of the final couples marrying. In fact, it's rare that these relationships last more than a few months. Brad Womack understood this . . . I thought.
 
If you are not familiar with Brad, he has already appeared in the title role on season 11 of The Bachelor. When it came down to the final two women, he ended up choosing neither, stating that he didn't have strong enough feeling for either one. While many viewers criticized him for "leading" the women on (though no one says anything about the twenty-three other women on the show who may have felt "led on"), I admired him for his decision. He didn't cower to the pressure of the show, earning him Bachelor Hero status in my heart, as Hopie would say.
 
But now all that is going to change. Brad "I Used To Be Smart Enough To Know That This Process Is Ridiculous But Am Now Dumb Enough To Try It Again" Womack has agreed to a second chance at manufactured love. Why, Brad, why?
 
This guy is handsome. I'm sure without the show he could find several women willing to date him. However, now that he's been on the show I would expect that there are several, probably hundreds, of women who would like to get a chance to know Brad. Outside of the constraints of the show, Brad has the freedom to spend as much time as he wants to get to know a woman as without the distraction or guilt that comes with dating more than one person at a time. So why would he want to severely limit the pool of women he has to choose from, as well as undergo the stress of rejecting woman after woman, many without really getting an opportunity to know them? I can only think of one reason. Money. From what I've read, the lead bachelors and bachelorettes get paid well to appear on the show, as much as just over $100,000.
 
I'm guessing Brad Womack isn't going on the show to find true love. Another chance to be on television. Exclusive dating rights to twenty-five attractive ladies. A hefty hunk of pocket change. Maybe he just knows a good thing when he sees it.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Do Not Go Genital Into That Good Night

By now I’m sure most of you have seen this billboard flash across your favorite news feed.


The story behind it is pretty self-explanatory. The city of South Bend, Indiana wanted to run a billboard campaign to promote their public school system. Unfortunately, the final product contained a rather embarrassing misspelling. This faux pas causes us to laugh for two reasons. First is the bathroom humor the billboard suggests. The other is the simple fact that the South Bend public school system wants to show off their finer points but can’t even make sure their own billboard is free of spelling errors. What could be worse than that? How about the same error on a church marquee?


I saw this a while back and just had to stop to take a picture. What’s worse is that the message on the other side of the sign contains the same error. Perhaps the person who changes the sign was educated in South Bend.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Court TV

Today I was planning on blogging about my son’s high school robotics team event I attended this weekend, complete with an explanation as to why I spent a good deal of my time at the event searching for discarded Powerade bottles. (Trust me, what follows is much more interesting.) But then I read this story about a prison inmate suing the Kardashian sisters. Apparently, this con feels he’s been permanently scarred by being forced to watch the "abuse" and "racism" present in their reality television shows, and now he wants to be financially compensated for it.

For starters, the Kardashian’s are not the ones in control of the prison television set. If anyone is "forcing" inmates to watch a particular show is would be the prison employees and if anyone is going to be sued it should be them. Still, just because the television is on doesn’t mean the inmate has to actually pay attention to it. I’m sure he could find some other activity to engage in: have a conversation, read a book, plan an escape, start a riot, etc. Anyway, I don’t see this legal action going very far.

But let’s suppose he has a case and actually wins! Can you imagine the various suits that might follow.

  • A man sues Ask This Old House for property damage when, after viewing a segment on plumbing, he tries to upgrade his bathroom sink but ends up busting a pipe and flooding his entire home, ruining carpets, furniture and various high end electronic devices.

  • An unemployed office worker sues House Hunters for mental anguish because he must endure watching couple after couple live out the "American Dream" of buying a new home while he is facing the painful experience of losing his home to foreclosure.

  • A man arrested for DUI sues the National Football League for broadcasting games on Sunday, thus requiring him to spend the entire day at the local Hooters, drinking beer, eating wings and eventually driving home drunk.

  • A depressed single woman sues Mike Fleiss, producer of The Bachelor, after she is turned down for a spot on show, because everyone knows that competing against twenty-four other women for the affections of a handsome single man by going on dates that most people couldn’t afford without the backing of a major network is the absolute best way to find that perfect, faithful husband.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Final Thoughts on the Bachelor Pad

It's good to know that Hopie and I are still on the same page in many aspects. One such aspect is, "What would you do if you were one of the two finalists on Bachelor Pad?"

To bring you up to speed, in the finale of the Pad it came down to one final couple, and by couple I mean a male and female who have chosen to play the game together as a team but may not necessarily have, or be interested in, a long term romantic relationship. The top prize is $250,000, but there is a catch. Secretly, each member of the couple had to decide if they wanted to "share" or "keep" the money. If both "share" they split the money. If one "shares" and the other "keeps", the one who "kept" gets all the money. If they both "keep", neither get the money and it is split among the contestants who had already been voted off the show.

Both Hopie and I agreed that, as an individual, the best strategy that gives you the highest percentage to access the money is to vote "share." If your partner votes "share", you get half. If they "keep", depending on your relationship you still may get some of the money, either directly as a gift or indirectly as benefit of the relationship (i.e. you may share in vacations or purchases that were made possible with the winnings). Of course, your partner may decide to keep it all and call off the relationship, but that’s a chance you have to take. If you choose "keep", it’s all or nothing.

None of that matters, however, because we weren’t the ones making the decision. The final couple ended up splitting the money.

Other thoughts from Monday night’s finale:

  • I can’t believe ABC made me endure the "We’re Kip-Ten!" scene again.
  • According to Dave, it’s sad and desperate for someone in their late 30’s to be on a dating show. According to me, it’s sad and desperate for anyone to be on a dating show.
  • Jake Pavelka is such a media-whore. What would he be without reality television?
  • Weatherman, get your real name back!
  • Kovacs, get your first name back!
  • Wes, get a new song!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Fantasy Football

Chalk this one up under “Unexpectedly Hilarious.”

A couple of weeks ago a co-worker was telling me about his upcoming concession stand opportunity. The University of Central Florida staffs its concession stands during events with members of local organizations. In return, these organizations receive a donation from the school. My co-worker’s son plays in a lacrosse league and often this league has the opportunity to run the university’s concessions. The particular event he was telling me about involved a woman’s tackle football league. He explained that it was similar to arena football, but played by women, and our local team was called the Orlando Fantasy.

I was intrigued. I did not know there was a professional women’s tackle football league (as it turns out, there are several) so I decided to look up the Orlando Fantasy. Needless to say, what I saw was very eye-opening. For starters, it was not just any women’s tackle football league. It was the Lingerie Football League. The players wear helmets and shoulder pads, but that is where any similarity to traditional uniforms ends. The rest of the uniform consists of jersey material tailored to look like bra tops and very skimpy panties. Apart from footgear, these girls wear little else. LOL.

The nationwide league consists of several teams all having seductive names, such as Temptation, Desire, Bliss, Passion, Charm, and, of course, Seduction. The schedule can barely even be called a schedule. Unlike most other legitimate leagues where all teams play each week against each other, this league plays only one game a week. Over the five month season each team plays a total of four games. They do have playoff and a final, called the Lingerie Bowl.



Apparently, these girls can hit.

Oh, and one last thing. If you decide to actually go out some Friday night to take in a game of the LFL and are wondering which up-and-coming player you should keep your eye on, well, that one’s easy. It would be the Tight End.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Kiptyn, you need to card Tenley.

Monday night, Labor Day, my girlfriend Hopie and I were watching some television when, all of a sudden, we hear a series of “pops” come from somewhere outside. We muted the program and listened some more. I turned to Hopie and explained that people were setting off fireworks. I’ve never heard of Labor Day being a big firework holiday, but I guess some people will use any excuse to set off explosives. “Yay!! We have a job!” Actually, in today’s economy, that might be something worth celebrating with fireworks.

Getting back to television, we were watching ABC’s Bachelor Pad, the spin-off of the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise. I wouldn’t even mention it, except that I just need to rant about Tenley. I’ve finally figured out what the “Ten” in Tenley stand for. She acts like she is ten. Ten years old. One example is when she describes her relationship with Kiptyn, one of the bachelors staying in the pad. “We’re Kip-Ten!” Really, Tenley? Did you really just say that?

But that’s rather tame to intellectual deduction she displays later in the episode. If you are not familiar with the show, couples compete for the opportunity to go on a special date. Before the date, a note card is delivered to the contestants with a clue as to what will happen on this special date. This week, Dave and Natalie won the special date and the card read, “Get ready to spend a night under the stars.” While everyone is trying to figure out what the clue could mean, Tenley gets all excited and says, “I bet they’re going up in a rocket! . . . It’s a rocket . . . they are going to ride in rocket!”

Yeah, Tenley, NASA is going to spend millions to launch a rocket for ABC. Dave and Natalie will get up to space, circle the planet once, maybe make out Moonraker style, and then come back down. But wait, it gets better.

Another couple spots the car that Dave and Natalie will be driving in to their date, a yellow Lamborghini, sitting in the driveway. When they go inside to tell everyone that they saw the couple’s vehicle, Tenley asks, “Is it a rocket?” Tenley, where would they even erect the launch pad?

Did I say ten years old? Maybe seven.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Un-Unique

Several weeks ago, Blizzard, developer of the popular online game World of Warcraft, attempted to eliminate screen names from their forums, forcing everyone who posted to use their real name. As you can image, a cry arose from the WoW community and Blizzard dropped the idea. At the center of concern was the desire to protect one’s identity. For any number of reasons people are concerned about what words and ideas are associated with their real name. But what about those screen names that are used to protect one’s true identity? Do people care as much about them?


I have used the screen name Teviko since my earliest days on the Internet, when I signed up with my first ISP in the mid-90’s. It held particular significance to me, as it was an acronymized version of my real name. At first, it was simply log in name, but eventually it evolved into my online identity as I began to make board posts, write articles and even podcast under the name Teviko. In fact, I have a few friends who even refer to me by that name off-line.

Most screen names are not unique (there must be any number of Maddogs and SexyLadys out there), and Teviko is no exception. Often, one can distinguish between users of a common screen name. For instance, if you see “Redhead” posting on a sports board about drinking beer at Hooters with the boys and watching football, and another post by “Redhead” on a woman’s board about raising her two daughters and seeing the latest Nicholas Sparks movie, it’s pretty safe to assume these are two different people. In my case, however, it’s not so easy. 

Anyone who has read a lot of my board posts would know that I am a fan of such things as video games, including multi-player online games, and fantasy literature. If you do a search for Teviko, much of what you will find are links to my articles, posts and podcast. However, peppered among the links are a few posts by a different Teviko. These posts are on message boards dealing with the fantasy genre and fantasy online gaming. It’s eerie because when I read this other Teviko I feel almost as if I could be reading something I posted. I’ve often wondered if people have searched for me, seen these posts and thought is was me. Then I wonder about reputation. Has this other Teviko posted something that I wouldn’t want associated with me, or vice versa, have I posted anything that would impact the other’s reputation? (The latter is probably more likely.)

In the end, there is nothing I can do about it and I’m certainly not going to lose any sleep over it. But if you are Teviko (not me, but the other Teviko) and you’ve stumbled across this blog, feel free to leave a comment or e-mail me. It might be interesting to compare notes.
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